Have you ever choked up in an interview, stumbled over your lines in a play, or missed a chance to speak up for yourself?
I know I have.
Your self-esteem can take a little dip when your actions don’t meet your expectations.
And if you feel like you have failed in a BIG way, you can feel crushed. It’s hard to recover from that kind of blow.
During menopause, because it occurs at mid life, we often take stock of where we’ve been and where we’re heading.
Often, if our expectations have not been met, our self esteem suffers.
One way to better meet your expectations is to ask better questions.
What do I mean by that?
Good question, so let me explain!
Asking yourself, “Gee, this isn’t working anymore. How can I change to prosper in my life?” will get you thinking more creatively than bemoaning how and why you feel so badly.
You must detach yourself from the idea – if you have it – that your self worth is measured by ONE aspect of your life, like money, career, looks or accomplishments.
The lesson here is that you don’t want to link your self-esteem to any one ability but rather to your life as a whole.
As billionaire businesswoman Oprah Winfrey says, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
In The Power of Positive Thinking, Peale says: “The blows of life, the accumulation of difficulties, the multiplication of problems tend to sap energy and leave you spent and discouraged. It is easy to lose track of your abilities and powers” – but by re-appraising your personal assets, you can convince yourself that “you are less defeated than you think you are.”
If you practice ALL OR NOTHING THINKING (which we all do on occasion) then Peale has a good idea for you.
When your self-esteem has suffered a blow, take a piece of paper and write down what you DO HAVE that you feel good about. Your list might include:
a wonderful spouse
children who are thriving and healthy
devoted friends who are there for you
good physical health
integrity
work that you enjoy
hobbies you’re passionate about
Things are probably looking better already, right?
Make your own list right now.
If you have trouble making a list, try this.
Imagine yourself as an observer at your own funeral. Surely you wouldn’t want to hear your spouse, your children, your friends and colleagues say things like, “She was never able to enjoy all the good things she had during her life.”
Think about what you would like them to say about you. Those are the things that really matter – positive personal assets that you don’t lose just because times are tough.
If you’re feeling down, focusing on those positive personal assets will help you overcome the worst feelings you could possibly have about yourself.
And no matter what happens in your life, you won’t despair. You’ll be able to use all your natural resources to regroup any time you need to.
Hope this helps lead you away from self-esteem-crushing all or nothing thinking and on to feeling better about yourself and your life!
shelli
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