Warning: this blog post contains a humorous yet thoughtful look at
fear!
We hate to admit it but most of our fears are irrational.
And I’ll even admit that most of my fears are irrational.
On one hand, everyday life just isn’t that dangerous anymore.
Technology, engineering, and modern medicine have eliminated so
many of the things that people used to fear.
Fears rise up in response to perceived threats, and trigger a “fight or
flight” response from us. They evolved as a basic survival mechanism.
Studies show what we fear is fairly universal: spiders,
snakes, heights, public speaking, and death.
As Jerry Seinfeld once said, “According to most studies,
people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death.
Does that sound right? This means at a funeral most people would
rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
We all might agree that one of our greatest, if not THE greatest
fear, is fear of failure.
Whether we are aware of it or not, it can paralyze us and keep
us from taking action, taking risks, and having experiences that
might benefit us greatly.
It’s easier for all of us to stick with what we perceive as
safe, comfortable and familiar.
Yet many times when we choose safety we reinforce fear.
We nurture fear. We let it dictate the terms by which we live our
lives and make our choices.
When we overcome our fears we begin to live.
“He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the
secret of life,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson.
How is fear conquered?
That can be a complicated question that keeps you from ever
actually conquering your fears.
So let’s keep it simple.
We conquer fears by doing what we think we can’t do, again and
again.
Let me give you a personal example.
When I was young, and even to this day, I stutter. Being called
on in class or in any social outing terrified me.
Today however, I seek out opportunities to speak in public. It’s
one of the best ways for me to meet people and let them know who
I am and what I can offer them.
I see fear as a barrier to success.
It can give a small thing a big shadow.
I also see fear as the opposite of faith.
It keeps us stuck in between regret over the past and anxiety about the
future.
These days I’m feeling like very few things warrant the fear
energy we give them. Often we’re running not from genuine threats
but from what we’re imagining.
That’s why my favorite acronym for fear is False Evidence
Appearing Real.
There are many rewards for conquering fear. The biggest one is
the other F word; freedom.
Freedom from anxiety.
Freedom from regret.
Freedom from a life unlived.
Do you think fortune really does favor the brave? I do.
As Marianne Williamson wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we
are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens
us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? … We
are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own
light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do
the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others.”
As middle aged women, we have lived enough life to know which
fears are still holding us back.
Air them out, one at a time.
Know them, and work through them and don’t let “false evidence
appear real.”
As for me, I’d much much rather be the one giving the eulogy
than the one in the casket!
What do you think?
shelli
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